The first time I took the test, it was because I thought I could do anything. The second time was to please my hospital leadership team. The third time was because I was mad.
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We finish high school, college, some of us – graduate studies, some go even beyond that; taking tests along the way, the obligatory standard to measure our accumulated knowledge.
Despite being pleased about passing the National CAPA exam, I’ve continued to fumble when people ask me about the experience. Academic achievement has never been the kind of thing I’m overly impressed with. I’m more interested in someone’s character, how they treat others, their integrity and social consciousness.
My Dad asked me about a week back, ” What was the purpose of passing the test? I mean, does it change how you take care of your patients?”
I got what he was saying. My parents are already so proud of me, one plaque actually sits at their house, not mine. They don’t like to see me stress about anything. I think his point of view was a technical one, never the less, it triggered a revelation:
I wanted to set the bar higher for myself.
Yes, there was the anger component going into the third attempt. Why am I pushing myself ? Geez, I’m over fifty!
I’m not angry anymore. I think the growing pains ( which I haven’t had in a long time) just hurt some.
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So, anyhow…yep, that’s why I kept at it.
Setting the bar higher once in a while is not a bad thing.
Don't Curse the Nurse! 
It’s an interesting question. I’m struggling with it on a different level. Have I set the bar too low? Have I excused myself from achieving on the basis of my deficits when if I just tried harder I would have succeeded? And when (if ever) do I let myself off the hook for not living up to my own standards?
Yes! Yes! I hear you. Is the constant raising of the bar exhausting us? What does it take to allow growth to happen organically? When we’ve had more than the requisite number of growing pains?
I’m in! Self-discipline is part of character.
Yes. I agree that it’s a valuable part of character. I wonder if there is anything we should exclude from the self critique/the ‘measuring’ of our worth.