Don't Curse the Nurse!

Sharing support with stories & humor

Patients say the darndest things!

“What a nice heroin thump.”

I’m not sure I heard him right.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“You know, like the drug addict on any crime show or movie, the way you flicked my arm before you wiped that alcohol and wrapped the tourniquet … you did it perfect.”

“Huh?”

“The way they flick the skin with their index finger, come on, you know!”

There’s a compliment in that statement, I guess, but I don’t want to retrieve it. I did laugh a genuine laugh.

“Sir, I’m going to remember this moment.”

He admitted to watching way too much T .V.

And his responding laugh was just as genuine.

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Working with Smurfs

Fun moment between me and a patient this morning- Did the best I could to jot it down so I could share !

I’m facing her; putting on her monitors. She’s looking in the periphery behind me.

She says, “Did you notice that your Anesthesia doctors look like Smurfs?”

I turn and glance. “Um, what do you mean?” As soon as I say it, I understood what she was referring to. It was the designated color of their agency scrubs. The periwinkle blue matched the skin tone of the comic characters perfectly.

I place the last lead. “Well, they’re really smart Smurfs.”

She countered with, “You know Smurfs love to eat Sasparilla.”

Me, “Ours eat lazy nurses.”

She, “But I see they’re not wearing hats.”

Me, “They put a new one on every time they go back through that door on the corner.”

She, “They put on Phrygian hats?”

I pause. She’s got me there.

She. “The cartoon, it’s based on an old Belgian story. My dad was an illustrator. He talked about cartoons a lot. That’s what the hats were called.”

She had me working parts of my brain usually allowed to rest during work hours. I printed out her EKG and started to step away from the stretcher.

“Susan, who’s the Smurf coming this way?”

“That’s Papa Smurf. You don’t get to leave the pre-op mushroom until you speak with him.”
She raised her eyebrows and gave me a mischievous grin .

My last words: “He was on call last night. Don’t tell him he looks like a Smurf.”

18 Comments »

My First ODD Patient

I had a patient last week that wouldn’t listen to anything I asked him to do.

“Sir, Everything needs to come off. Here’s your gown.”

Five minute later he is in bed with a bracelet, two rings, and baseball cap still on.

“Did you take the enema at home like your surgeon ordered at your pre- op visit?”

“No” He looks at me like I’m crazy to have asked him this. He had an anal fissure, possible fistula. I gave him a break on that one and took care of it.

Twenty minutes later.

“Hey nurse, I need to use the bathroom.”

“Sure,” I say. Let me help you with the side rail and your IV. Just remember to come right back here.”

Ten minutes later I am down the hall where the bathroom is and see him off to my right, sitting with several people and chatting up a storm. I approach him and explain that we need him to stay in his stretcher. (I also point out that he has a family member back by his bed. His response sounded more like a growl.

“I’ll be back when I’m ready.”

I found his diagnosis to be quite complementary with his personality.

Image via newkidscenter.com

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is considered by the American Psychiatric Association as being a mental condition that starts in the preschool years and can go into the teen years.

I guess some people never get treatment.

5 Comments »

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